Czy warto ?

Lut
20


Czy warto zrezygnować z tego, co Bóg nam przeznaczył z powodu burzy, która właśnie trwa a może warto z powodu bólu?
W ostatnim czasie dosyć często rozważałam ten temat. Szukając Bożych odpowiedzi apropo mojego życia. Próbując jeszcze raz poukładać sobie to, co latami było złożone w moim sercu.
Tak myślę, że gdybyśmy wiedzieli, przez co będziemy musieli przejść chcąc podążać za Jego wizją i kroczyć jego drogami być może w młodości nie krzyczelibyśmy tak głośno, Panie pójdę gdzie mnie poprowadzisz.
A gdybyśmy przy tym jeszcze wiedzieli jak wiele razy zderzymy się albo wręcz rozbijemy się o naszą małość i grzech lub o małość innych być może już na początku byśmy zrezygnowali.
Na tym jednak polega rozwój, że zderzamy się z rożnymi sytuacjami, jesteśmy oceniani, podsumowywani i podejmujemy trudne decyzje, ucząc się wybierać to, co jest najlepsze dla Niego a nie to, co daje komfort naszej duszy i ciału.
Błędem było by jednak sądzić, że w tej podroży nasza niedoskonałość całkowicie się zetrze, ale o tym już pisałam wspomnę, więc tylko, że marzymy o tym by być doskonałymi i wymagamy doskonałości od innych. W wielu wypadkach niedoskonałość pozostaje i to bardzo widoczna, byśmy naprawdę rozumieli, że nie naszą mocą, przez naszą doskonałość elokwencję i miłość budowane jest królestwo a przez naszą niemoc, w której się Jego moc ujawnia.
Wybrał to, co słabe, to, co głupie wobec świata, by zawstydzić to, co mocne (1Kor. 1,27).
Jakoś tak już jest, że ludzie długo pamiętają jak na własnej skórze tej naszej niedoskonałości doświadczyli, pamiętają złe rzeczy, latami noszą swój ból a nie pamiętają ile dobrego doświadczyli w życiu, zawsze myślałam, że to normalne, bo jeśli ludzie doświadczają dobrego to robi to Bóg używając ludzi.
Zagubiłam jednak gdzieś w tej „normalności” to, że każdy z nas powinien być wdzięczny, za dobre rzeczy, w których jest używany nie mówiąc już o wdzięczności za dobro, którego doświadcza. W innym wypadku będzie wymagał doskonałości od siebie i innych. Skupi się na pokonywaniu wyzwań ocenianiu i nie zrozumie prawa łaski.
Pamiętam tyle dobra, którego doświadczyłam od Boga tyle dobra, którego doświadczyłam i doświadczam od ludzi i to bardzo pomaga w życiu, moja dusza jednak, pewnie jak i twoja, pamięta również tyle bólu. Przez niego między innymi powracają te pytania czy warto zapłacić cenę doświadczenia swego grzechu, samotności, oskarżeń, odrzucenia, tego wszystkiego by pozostać w woli Bożej?
Biblia mówi nam, że zanim przystąpimy do budowy domu czy do wojny, powinniśmy przeliczyć koszty.
Jaką cenę, jaki koszt gotowi jesteśmy ponieść, by budować jego dom? Czy przeliczając koszty wzięliśmy pod uwagę również cenę rezygnacji z siebie, ze swoich pragnień ze swoich praw, cenę zranienia? Cenę polegania na Nim i nie brania spraw w swoje ręce?
Pewien pisarz napisał, że koszt bycia poza wolą Bożą jest o wiele większy niż ten, który płacimy będąc w niej.
To prawda szczególnie, że ta pierwsza cena prowadzi do dzieła doskonałego. Druga natomiast hm…
Do jakiego dzieła? Kto jest wywyższony naszymi decyzjami? Kto zwycięży tak naprawdę?
Jak to powiedział mój przyjaciel, są 2 burze przetaczające się nad naszym życiem, jedna ma nas wyrzucić z woli Bożej i diabeł jest jej sprawcą, nawet jak używa do tego ludzi(to ta biblijna, która rozpętała się, kiedy Jezus spał w łodzi), druga to burza z historii Jonasza, która miała go zawrócić do pełnienia woli Bożej.
Moja droga, która burza przetacza się nad twoja Głową? Czy dobrze rozpoznałaś? Czy jesteś pewna, że to Bóg pcha cię do takich działań i takiego postępowania, do takich wyroków i decyzji? Czy ukrycie się za swoimi czystymi motywacjami nie będzie jak schowanie się pod drzewem w czasie burzy?
Pozostawiam te pytania otwartymi również dla ciebie. Ja, która nie jestem tak doskonała jak Jezus, nawet tak jak Benedykt, nie jestem tak doskonała jak mój kochany mąż, tak doskonała jak ty, która to czytasz. A jednak Jezus zapłacił cenę będąc do końca w woli Ojca nie po to bym ciągle wyrzucała sobie, że nie jestem tak doskonała jak On by w tej woli wytrwać. Nie jestem wystarczająco doskonała by być liderem. A po to bym pamiętała, że on niemoce moje wziął na siebie. Bym dla sprawiedliwości żyła.
A co zrobisz ty, która mocujesz się z własną niedoskonałością i niemocą?
Iza

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