Przeciwstaw się odrzuceniu już teraz

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Odrzucenie to trudny temat, bardzo bliski mojemu życiu a szczególnie doświadczeniom młodości.
Przeczytałam dużo książek na ten temat, a jednak ciągle odkrywam, że gdy przychodzi trudny czas i dosięga mnie swoista słabość, czy też po prostu presja, wtedy to właśnie odrzucenie powraca ze zdwojoną siłą.
W liście do Rzym. 8. 31 czytamy:
„Jeśli Bóg jest z nami, któż może być przeciwko nam (kto może być  naszym wrogiem), jeśli Bóg jest po naszej stronie”.
W tym miejscu możemy zadać sobie pytanie:
Jak często czujemy się tak, jakby świat „sprzysiągł się” przeciwko nam, jak często mamy wrażenie, jakby ludzie nas odrzucali? A do tego wszystkiego czasami wygląda to tak, jakby każda próba zmiany tego odczucia i tak nic nie zmieniała.  Im bardziej z tym walczymy, tym bardziej nas to dopada. Dobrym wyjściem z tej sytuacji może być przyznanie się przed samym sobą, że odrzucenie jest moim problemem. Aczkolwiek myślę, że to nie wszystko. Potrzebujemy dać Bogu możliwość rozprawienia się z tym i to w czasie, który On sam nam wyznaczy. Biblia wyraźnie nam mówi, że powinniśmy zapomnieć o tym, co za nami. Do przeszłości warto więc wracać, wtedy gdy wyraźnie czujemy, że jest na to czas.
Eldredge w swojej książce „Pełnia Serca” pisze, że bardzo często w momencie bólu, który przeżywamy, dobrze jest pytać czy Duch Św., nie chce nas poprowadzić gdzieś dalej, do miejsc z przeszłości, które zamknęliśmy przed Bogiem dawno temu, o których zapomnieliśmy, a które czas już oczyścić, bo pozostawione w tym stanie, w przyszłości mogą nas kosztować o wiele więcej zranień a nawet doprowadzić do upadku.


Takich momentów działania odrzucenia które nadają się do oczyszczenia i uzdrowienia, jest wiele. Ja wymienię zaledwie kilka z nich.
Może robiłaś wszystko, żeby nie stracić kochanej osoby, lecz w końcu i tak przegrałaś… zostałaś porzucona, oszukana i wykorzystana. Czujesz gorycz i postanawiasz, że już nigdy NIKT cię tak nie skrzywdzi.
Może modliłaś się, składałaś obietnice, robiłaś wszystko, by bliska ci osoba nie umarła… ale mimo to, pewnego dnia po prostu ją straciłaś.  Nie obce ci jest zatem uczucie samotności i opuszczenia przez kochaną osobę.
Może masz ukryty konflikt z kimś z rodziny, bo on jest zbyt szczery w wyrażaniu swoich poglądów, a ty nigdy nie śmiałaś mu się przeciwstawić.
A może twój szef zarzucił ci niedbalstwo w twojej pracy, a ty po prostu pewnych rzeczy nie przewidziałaś, choć oczywiście  mogłaś.
Rzadko kto w takich sytuacjach, może nie odczuwać odrzucenia, szczególnie jeśli bardzo się starał i błędy które popełnił, niezrozumienie którego doświadczył, wynikały niemal wyłącznie ze złego rozpoznania sytuacji. A w dodatku  nie dano mu możliwości wytłumaczenia się.
Tak więc, prędzej czy później, doświadczamy jakiejś formy odrzucenia. A potem szukamy sposobu, by ponownie nie zostać odrzuconym; próbujemy kontrolować sytuacje w okół nas, zjednywać  sobie ludzi szczerością, by tylko nie zostać samym; nieustannie tłumaczymy się, kiedy coś zrobimy nie tak… i to nie dlatego, że nie widzimy swoich błędów i próbujemy zawalić winę na innych bo w rzeczywistości widzimy je większymi niż są robimy to wciąż z tego samego powodu,  bardzo boimy się bólu odrzucenia.
Nie wiążemy się z nikim zbyt głęboko, no bo po co ponownie mamy czuć tą gorycz porzucenia.


Pamiętam, że w pewnych trudnych momentach mojego życia, nieustannie towarzyszył mi sen, w którym wychodzę za mąż za jakiegoś człowieka, obok stoi mój Marek… wiem, że go kocham, ale gdzieś w środku wolę wyjść za kogoś, kogo nie kocham, żeby gdy mnie kiedyś porzuci, nie bolało aż tak bardzo. Tak naprawdę ten sen ukazywał to, co chowała moja dusza – strach przed odrzuceniem.
Jakkolwiek, bez względu na to, jaki sposób radzenia sobie z odrzuceniem wybieramy, nie ma możliwości, żeby wszyscy nas lubili. Niektórzy mogą wręcz agresywnie nas nie cierpieć. Nie chodzi więc o rzeczy zewnętrzne takie jak: właściwe ułożenie relacji wokół nas, tak by się nie pomylić czy o właściwy dobór przyjaciół. Zawsze przecież może zdarzyć się, że nawet ktoś skrupulatnie wybrany odrzuci nas.
Nie ma też takiej osoby, która by lubiła być odrzucona, jednak możemy przejść przez odrzucenie i nie być zranionymi, szczególnie jeśli zrozumiemy, że Jezus również był  odrzucony i potępiony. Pewnie sobie myślisz: owszem, tak, ale On był niewinny. Tak, to prawda, ale przecież stało się to po to, by winni (czyli my wszyscy) mogli wszelkie zranienia i ból, przynieść przed Jego tron.
Moja znajoma opowiadała mi pewną historię. Wszystko wydarzyło się w czasie, kiedy odeszła już od Boga. Pracowała wówczas w firmie, w której dopuściła się dwukrotnego przekrętu finansowego. Większość pracowników robiła to nagminnie, ją nakryto za drugim razem. Przyznała się, przeprosiła i straciła pracę. Mnie ta historia przeraziła, ona natomiast powiedziała: zrobiłam wszystko, by stanąć w prawdzie. Kiedy przyznałam się do winy poczułam, że choć jestem tak daleko od Jezusa, On wziął całe moje odrzucenie na siebie i resztę cierpienia było już cierpieniem niewinnego. A wtedy wszystko przestało się liczyć, chciałam być tylko blisko Niego.

Sytuacja, gdy doświadczamy złego, gdy doświadczamy odrzucenia, jest paralelna z jednym z epizodów we Władcy pierścieni: Frodo zraniony mieczem Mordoru, odczuwał ból – po pozornie zagojonej ranie – zawsze wtedy, gdy w pobliżu pojawiali się wysłannicy Mordoru, czyli wtedy, kiedy ponownie stykał się ze złem. Jedynym lekarstwem okazała się podróż do krainy Elfów. Podobnie my, którzy również odnieśliśmy rany w przeszłości, odzywające się, kiedy ponownie doświadczamy czegoś niedobrego. I czujemy się źle, bo ból, który przeżywamy teraz, jest niewspółmierny do sytuacji, której doświadczyliśmy. Przypomina nam to przeszłość, stare rany się otwierają.
Potrzebujemy lekarstwa jednak możemy je otrzymać dopiero udając się w podróż do królestwa Bożego. Zasadniczo nawet jeśli dostaniemy nasze uzdrowienie i lekarstwo, które nazywa się przebaczam i błogosławię, to i tak tylko zamieszkanie na zawsze pod osłoną Najwyższego, jest w stanie zniszczyć ból całkowicie.
Widzicie kochani, ostatnio byłam u lekarza i poprosiłam o środki przeciwzapalne na chorobę, na którą od lat tak samo mnie leczono. Jakie było moje zdziwienie, gdy powiedziano mi, że nie ma już potrzeby ich używania.
Najpierw leczymy 10 lat zaniedbań i szukamy tego, co bolało kiedyś i było prawdziwym powodem ciągłego rozstrajania się całego organizmu, aż ból który czujesz sam ustąpi. A teraz: kochana, jedz żelazo, bo masz anemię… i zrób wszystkie badania, we wnętrzu jest odpowiedź. Dobre – pomyślałam sobie – badania i żelazo na serce, układ oddechowy i inne. Jednak od razu dostałam objawienia. Jeśli odzywa się ból w naszej duszy, potrzebujemy udać się do tego, kto się na tym zna – do Jezusa. Duch Św. na pewno chętnie pokaże nam, czego nie załatwiliśmy w przeszłości i co teraz powoduje taki ból, i to niekoniecznie w miejscu, które wskazuje na przeżytą w przeszłości traumę.
Szczególnie my kobiety, powinnyśmy porzucić nasze domyślanie się: dlaczego tak boli, rozwarstwianie na drobne, łączenie faktów, które nigdy nie miały ze sobą nic wspólnego. Lepiej udać się do tego, kto zna prawdę, niż przejść przez 10 specjalistów i od każdego usłyszeć opinię, która na dodatek powiększy nasze wątpliwości i zamieszanie wokół całej sytuacji.
Ból zadany przez złego, szczególnie przy użyciu bliskich, jest strasznym doznaniem. Bez wątpliwości. Jest jednak taki werset, który mówi, że Bóg obraca wszystko ku dobremu. Potrzebujemy mu w tym zaufać, zwrócić się do niego, a nie żyć w obawie przed  kolejnym bólem. Wiecie dobrze, że coś jest ujawniane, że ciemność jest ujawniana w naszym życiu, bo to jest to miejsce gdzie więzi nas diabeł. Nareszcie damy Bogu możliwość, by przyprowadził nas do miejsca, które ukrywaliśmy, przez które zrobił się cały ten rozgardiasz. I wtedy Pan po prostu powie: to mi oddaj, tego daj mi dotknąć, to potrzebujemy uzdrowić. Jeśli tego nie zrobimy teraz, to kiedyś może się to stać kamieniem zagłady w naszym życiu.
A ludzie? Chyba nigdy nie będziemy w stanie wszystkich uszczęśliwić powtórzę tu za moją przyjaciółką i należy z tego wyrosnąć.

Przypomina mi się historia prostytutki i sprawiedliwych ludzi żądających zgodnie z literą prawa ukamienowania jej, i odpowiedź Jezusa: kto z was jest bez winy, niechaj pierwszy rzuci kamieniem.
Przecież była winna, naprawdę, więc dlaczego Jezus tak postąpił?
Może Jezus nie chciał wcale podobać się wszystkim, a znał prawdę ukrytą na dnie duszy tej kobiety.
A może miłosierdzie jednak powinno królować nad sądem? A przebaczenie powinno niszczyć wszelkie odrzucenie.

Kończąc, wierzę, że Pan ma dla każdego z nas modlitwę „skończonego idealisty”, której uczę się nieustannie w moim życiu:
Panie, nie mogę podobać się wszystkim. Wierzę jednak, że uzdrowiłeś to miejsce, które spowodowało ów ból w przeszłości, choć ciągle przeżywam każde odrzucenie. Wierzę w Twoją moc działającą w mojej duszy. Pragnę podobać się tylko Tobie i w tym względzie dołożę wszelkich starań,  nie chcę też dłużej zabiegać, by podobać się ludziom, po prostu będę się starała ich kochać. Resztę oddaję w Twoje ręce.
Proszę Cię, obdarz mnie Twoją przychylnością i przychylnością innych. I dalej zmieniaj mnie na Twój obraz.
Nie pozwól mi też mieć serca zatrutego odrzuceniem i osądem wobec tych, którzy odrzucają. Daj mi serce, które jest pełne łaski i miłości, znające przez to prawdę i chodzące drogą sprawiedliwości.
Dziękuje Ci, Panie.
Iza C.

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